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Tour
de farce.
Welcome
to my world of self-indulgent drivel. Yes, that's right - it's another
screed of twaddle written by someone who spent a year twitting around
the world, all the time imagining that they're doing something clever
and original. Still, for all the quotidian wonderment, there's the odd
morsel worth savouring. Hanging with the penis gourd men of Papua, crunching
crispy spiders in Cambodia, and enjoying big jars in Laos and great
heads on Easter Island. Nonetheless as soon becomes evident, going to
interesting places doesn't actually make one interesting. Thus, much
of this is the literary equivalent of sipping a day old cup
of milky tea.
too lazy to read? navigate by map!
map based navigation - Indonesia
map based
navigation - India (2002 & 2003)
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The
Philippines : June 2004 - July 2004 (incomplete)
NEW (02/08/05) North
Luzon: hanging coffins in Sagada
NEW
(26/07/05) North
Luzon: the rice terraces at Banaue.
NEW
(19/07/05) Manila
Area : cockfighting at the cockpit.
Manila
Area : sex tourists and shopping malls
Marinduque:
sex tourists and golden showers
Bicol:
jungles, gross grub, crazy ladies
Bicol:
beautiful volcanoes and beautiful bikini babes
Manila
Area : cocks, volcanoes, stereotypes
India:
Oct 2003 - Nov 2003 (incomplete)
India:
pickled babies, the ministry of silly walks, fungi
India:
Madhurai - a temple in a swamp
India:
washing away sins in a wet t-shirt, crows, swimming in sewers, sexual
harassment
India:
greased up in a man nappy, word to the mother, meet the cult
India:
lard air, Dubai it? babu the bamboozler, caffiend
round
the world trip: Feb 2002 - Feb 2003
Paraguay:
international rejects, toilet city, a town called Jesus
Brazil:
damn good, getting wet, the world's worst taste, video buffets
Uruguay
/ Argentina / Brazil: Latin laxity, tour de fuss, Christ in a tree!
Urrugay:
uro-guys, fatties, how much meat can you eat, package tourists
Argentina:
Mount Aconcagua - snow dumps, realidad TV, a failiure of keeness
Argentina:
socialists and social unrest, full moon fools, mountain anxiety
Argentina:
nothingness, latino rednecks, penguins and Wales, porn again
Argentina:
very cheap thrills, golden showering, the joy of crampons
Chile /
Argentina: peachy glacier, arse mounatin, bar kamikaze, FBI cat
Chile (Patagonia):
land of the keen, where men wear performance uberpants
Argentina:
meat that's hard to beat, preachers in saunas, high-altitude underpants
Chile (Easter
Island): new age rage, hung like a horse, club head, Yorkshire bores
Chile:
clock that's a crock, sexpresso, executive lounge lizards
Bolivia:
big salt, disco lakes, eurotrash, dot.bo
Bolivia:
saliva muggers, puking by candlelight, walking with dinosaurs, playing
with dynamite
Peru: rubbish
towns, great lakes, scrotty Scots and big rock cocks
Peru: I
want my mummy, the world's worst guide, altitude sickness II, snot dusty
Peru: Machu
Picchu and mucho poopoo, getting off, big birds and big holes
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Chile / Peru:
lost cities, coca heads, mules, constipation
New Zealand
(South Island): endemic craziness, tramps, 'look at my stab wounds!'
New Zealand
(North Island): bungalows, fart city, kiwi fruitcakes
Cambodia
/ Australia: Angkor Whatever, customs service, pies and fatties
extreme cuisine
in Cambodia: the spiderwomen of Skuon
Cambodia:
toxic waste and total wasters, journalism
Vietnam
/ Cambodia: consultants! holidays in Cambodia, really big guns
Vietnam:
cheap booze, full moonies, muddy buddies
Vietnam:
cyclosis, Vietnam vets, South Africans, a real life Babe the pig
Laos /
Vietnam: Brummies, Scousers, more Swiss, drug-dealing grannies
Laos: monster
trucks and big jars
Thailand
/ Laos: Kho San man, hot, wet monks, in-toilet massage
Indonesia
(Bali): the costa del Oz, monkey behaviour, dead chicken II
Indonesia
(West Papua): missionaries, deep in penis gourd country, dead cocks
Indonesia
(Sulawesi / West Papua): spanked monkeys, dead lizards, rat fights
Indonesia
(Sulawesi) / The Philippines: fear of flying, 'why are you here?' wetting
myself
Indonesia
(Sulawesi): extreme tourism, watching the football, angry men, eating
bats and dogs
Indonesia
(Java / Sulawesi): Japanese ovations, funerals, buffalo sacrifice
Indonesia
(Sumatra / Java): bitch fights, ballet, sex tourists, lava
Indonesia
(Sumatra): bad, bad bikes, bad, bad buses, bullfights
Malaysia
/ Indonesia (Sumatra): transsexuals, snakes, angry women, monkeys, ghosts
Malaysia
/ Thailand: beach life, street meat, Canadian pride, motorbike crashes
Singapore
/ Malaysia: consumer society, eating sh*t, how to catch a python
India /
Singapore: ex-pat prats, puking hippies, crabs, cabs, branded slums
India: puppies,
the world's most irritating man, the world's most hopeless man, travel
agents
India: pornography,
hippies, brats, Indian tourists in India
India: fruit
wars, commies, taxis
Nepal /
India: digusting old women, the Ganges, dog eats leg
Nepal: yak
attack, coppers in choppers, Germans, poopsicles
India /
Nepal: daggers, the coach crash considered as a spectator sport, lesbians,
motivation, mountains
India: trekking,
booze, fighting AIDS with fighting AIDS activists, abused cats
India: ticket
to deride, that Darjeeling feeling, tea and Swastikas
India: Indian
planes, Indian drinking, a yank called Hank
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