Rhymer's travel diary

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Welcome to my world of self-indulgent drivel. Yes, that's right - it's another screed of twaddle written by someone who spent a year twitting around the world, all the time imagining that they were doing something clever and original. Still, for all the quotidian wonderment, there's the odd morsel worth savouring. Hanging with the penis gourd men of Papua, crunching crispy spiders in Cambodia, and enjoying big jars in Laos and great heads on Easter Island. Nonetheless as quickly becomes evident to even the most abtruse reader, going to interesting places doesn't actually make one interesting. In that sense at least, let me stand as a living warning to anyone who still thinks that travel broadens the mind. Last updated Nov 2008

USA: California (NEW: added 22/11/2008)

San Francisco: travels without my camera

The Philippines : June 2004 - July 2004

North Luzon: hanging coffins in Sagada

North Luzon: the rice terraces at Banaue.

Manila Area : cockfighting at the cockpit.

Manila Area : sex tourists and shopping malls

Marinduque: sex tourists and golden showers

Bicol: jungles, gross grub, crazy ladies

Bicol: beautiful volcanoes and beautiful bikini babes

Manila Area : cocks, volcanoes, stereotypes

India: Oct 2003 - Nov 2003 (incomplete)

India: pickled babies, the ministry of silly walks, fungi

India: Madhurai - a temple in a swamp

India: washing away sins in a wet t-shirt, crows, swimming in sewers, sexual harassment

India: greased up in a man nappy, word to the mother, meet the cult

India: lard air, Dubai it? babu the bamboozler, caffiend

round the world trip: Feb 2002 - Feb 2003

Paraguay: international rejects, toilet city, a town called Jesus

Brazil: damn good, getting wet, the world's worst taste, video buffets

Uruguay / Argentina / Brazil: Latin laxity, tour de fuss, Christ in a tree!

Urrugay: uro-guys, fatties, how much meat can you eat, package tourists

Argentina: Mount Aconcagua - snow dumps, realidad TV, a failiure of keeness

Argentina: socialists and social unrest, full moon fools, mountain anxiety

Argentina: nothingness, latino rednecks, penguins and Wales, porn again

Argentina: very cheap thrills, golden showering, the joy of crampons

Chile / Argentina: peachy glacier, arse mounatin, bar kamikaze, FBI cat

Chile (Patagonia): land of the keen, where men wear performance uberpants

Argentina: meat that's hard to beat, preachers in saunas, high-altitude underpants

Chile (Easter Island): new age rage, hung like a horse, club head, Yorkshire bores

Chile: clock that's a crock, sexpresso, executive lounge lizards

Bolivia: big salt, disco lakes, eurotrash, dot.bo

Bolivia: saliva muggers, puking by candlelight, walking with dinosaurs, playing with dynamite

Peru: rubbish towns, great lakes, scrotty Scots and big rock cocks

Peru: I want my mummy, the world's worst guide, altitude sickness II, snot dusty

Peru: Machu Picchu and mucho poopoo, getting off, big birds and big holes

Chile / Peru: lost cities, coca heads, mules, constipation

New Zealand (South Island): endemic craziness, tramps, 'look at my stab wounds!'

New Zealand (North Island): bungalows, fart city, kiwi fruitcakes

Cambodia / Australia: Angkor Whatever, customs service, pies and fatties

extreme cuisine in Cambodia: the spiderwomen of Skuon

Cambodia: toxic waste and total wasters, journalism

Vietnam / Cambodia: consultants! holidays in Cambodia, really big guns

Vietnam: cheap booze, full moonies, muddy buddies

Vietnam: cyclosis, Vietnam vets, South Africans, a real life Babe the pig

Laos / Vietnam: Brummies, Scousers, more Swiss, drug-dealing grannies

Laos: monster trucks and big jars

Thailand / Laos: Kho San man, hot, wet monks, in-toilet massage

Indonesia (Bali): the costa del Oz, monkey behaviour, dead chicken II

Indonesia (West Papua): missionaries, deep in penis gourd country, dead cocks

Indonesia (Sulawesi / West Papua): spanked monkeys, dead lizards, rat fights

Indonesia (Sulawesi) / The Philippines: fear of flying, 'why are you here?' wetting myself

Indonesia (Sulawesi): extreme tourism, watching the football, angry men, eating bats and dogs

Indonesia (Java / Sulawesi): Japanese ovations, funerals, buffalo sacrifice

Indonesia (Sumatra / Java): bitch fights, ballet, sex tourists, lava

Indonesia (Sumatra): bad, bad bikes, bad, bad buses, bullfights

Malaysia / Indonesia (Sumatra): transsexuals, snakes, angry women, monkeys, ghosts

Malaysia / Thailand: beach life, street meat, Canadian pride, motorbike crashes

Singapore / Malaysia: consumer society, eating sh*t, how to catch a python

India / Singapore: ex-pat prats, puking hippies, crabs, cabs, branded slums

India: puppies, the world's most irritating man, the world's most hopeless man, travel agents

India: pornography, hippies, brats, Indian tourists in India

India: fruit wars, commies, taxis

Nepal / India: digusting old women, the Ganges, dog eats leg

Nepal: yak attack, coppers in choppers, Germans, poopsicles

India / Nepal: daggers, the coach crash considered as a spectator sport, lesbians, motivation, mountains

India: trekking, booze, fighting AIDS with fighting AIDS activists, abused cats

India: ticket to deride, that Darjeeling feeling, tea and Swastikas

India: Indian planes, Indian drinking, a yank called Hank