frequently asked questions

Believe it or not I do get a fair amount of mail addressed to this site – and not all of it offering to embiggen my johnson with herbal Viagra or introduce me to the joys of 'gushing' vidoes. So, in an attempt to empty my, ahem, bulging sack, I’ve addressed a few of the most common questions and comments here.

Who are you?

My name is Rhymer Rigby (just like my dad) and I’m a freelance journalist. My favourite colour is blue and I like cooking gardening and riding my bike. I have no piercings tatoos or other forms of intentional mutilation. The other person you see a lot of on this site is Jane Treasure. Until recently she was my lovely girlfriend although she is now my charming wife. We live in a house just east of the City in London. If you want to stalk me, you can find my address on my CV.

Nice site – but you are a bit too negative about the places you visit.

If you want to read anodyne praise for global destinations there are plenty of guidebooks thta will provide it. Or take a look at some of the other online travelogues with their a-se-achingly vapid ‘Nepal - land of generosity and spiritual contrasts’ drivel. Now, wouldn'’t you much rather read about how some crazy old lady was sick all over my lap? But thank you for saying this site was ‘nice.’

F—k you. You are a hater. You are scum, how dare you? You deserve to die. People like you should die, swallow their own johnsons, etc. etc.

Perhaps you are confusing me with Slobodan Milosevic.

You make many references to ‘johnsons.’ Who or what is this johnson?

A johnson is something no man should be without. Johnsons have many uses – from indicating strong approval to writing in the snow to making babies. Confusingly, some people are johnsons too - both in terms of name and character.

Did you really eat all those disgusting things?

Yes. Nothing was too awful except dog. But, believe me, if you ate economy sausages before BSE legislation came in, you’ve done far worse. If you have a bleeding heart and hate me for eating dog, I'm sorry. Though if it helps, I'm pretty sure he was free range.

I’m going travelling. Can you give me some advice?

Go to Thailand. Hang out watching pirate DVDs and smoking weed. Go to Vietnam. Hang out watching pirate DVDs and smoking weed. Go to Laos and Cambodia. Now watch some pirate DVDs and smoke some weed. Go to Australia and New Zealand. Hang out with other travellers and do some menial job. Go back to the UK / US / Europe. Congratulations: you've seen the world. It was amazing wasn't it?

Why are some of the more recent bits of your travelogue unfinished?

Because I have to earn a living. Though I took notes and when I have time, hopefully I'll get round to writing them up for the enjoyment of the half dozen or so repeat visitors to this site.

How often do you update your site?

Usually a couple of times a month. More if I'm in foreign climes.

Can I reproduce your content on my site?

Yes – as long as you ask me nicely, it is for non-commercial use, you credit me and you provide a link back to my site. BTW, I decide what constitues commercial use, not you. For an amusing instance of content being used commercially without permission, see here.

Why don’t you blog?

I work from home. My day to day life consists of sitting around in my underpants (summer) / sweatpants (winter) making phone calls and surfing the internet for new and exciting material of an adult nature. It’s just not that interesting and I have far too much respect (both for you and myself) to indulge in such navel gazing. Not that this stops most. So why not email your local blogger telling them for the love of God to have some dignity and shut up.

Will you link to my site?

No. But if you really want to improve your Google ranking, just sign the guestbook.

Why aren't your photos better quality / higher res?

Because I'm not actually a very good photographer. You will notice that there are a lot of sites out there full of far better photos - technically perfect sunsets over the Grand Canyon, endless tedious soi-disant reportage from whatever self-involved lives these people lead, etc. Anyway, these people might be good photographers, but they aren't funny. Which is why you're here looking at my crappy pictures.

I have read this far would like you to do some work for me.

Remarkable. My supposed areas of expertise are business, travel and the more interesting lifestylish side of technology. But pay me enough and I’ll write whatever you want. More information on this is available here.

Rhymer Rigby, August 2005