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Arresting
and ar--sing imagery from around the world - 34 galleries in all - from
big heads to big jars, from dogs for dinner to llama foetuses for luck.
Truly all life is here. For me, if not for you sitting at your PC, dreaming
of visiting a town that has less than five Starbucks.
To add to the richness
of your 'user experience' many of these photos are linked to commentary
in the form of a travel diary where I give my puerile, smart-alec attitude
the space it just doesn't have in a two line caption. Look away, read
away and if you really hate me, why not make a fool of yourself in the
internet's liveliest guestbook!
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childish photos unsuitable for all age groups: last updated 26.07.06 |
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NEW:
Sri
Lanka II
Location:
different bit of ditto.
Contains: leeches, tortoises, chilly
times in tropical climes.
Key Learning: playing with trains
is really, really fun.
Rating: PG - if you're stupid enough
to think that I'm a role model and kill yourself playing on the
railways, you don't deserve to pass your genes on to anyone.. |
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NEW:
Sri Lanka I
Location:
Bagladesh, dumbass, where do you think?
Contains: tea ladies, cliches aplenty,
temples, a stern warning about bees.
Key Learning: noise may provoke hornet
attacks.
Rating: 15 - there is in fact some
p-rn in this gallery, but it is in a historical context and is
unlikely to give you a chubby.
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COMING
SOON!
Komodo gallery
Dreams
can come true: It's long been a dream of
mine to check the biggest lizards in the world; now that dream
has come true. My other dreams include having natural rhythm and
being able to kill a man with just one look. Maybe next year these
will come true too.
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Flores gallery
Location:
Flores, Indonesia
Contains: casual 'cano action. johnson
worship paraphenalia; stoners on beaches.
Key Learning: you can have fun in the
rain.
Rating: 15 - pictures of steamy chicks;
umbrellas standing in for bits; lame and inaccurate drug references.
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Kelimutu
gallery
Location:
Bali Flores, Indo'
Contains: stylishly pigmented lakes,
supersize souvenirs, bushes covered in eggs.
Key Learning: just because things look
cute doesn't mean you should take them home.
Rating: 12 - surely something, somewhere
will offend some stupid johnson someone. |
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Hong
Kong gallery
Location:
The People's Republic of China.
Contains: all the usual cliches, plus
a few new ones.
Key Learning: a bigger Buddha is a
better Buddha.
Rating: G - suitable even for fundamentalists. |
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world's
smallest monkey gallery!
Location:
Bohol, Philippines.
Contains: the world's smallest monkey;
hills shaped like ladies' boobies.
Key Learning: mother nature is indeed
wonderful.
Rating: XXX - for Xtra Cute. |
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death
'n' rice gallery
Location:Sagada
and Banaue, Northern Luzon,the Philippines
Contains: madcap coffins, bonkers
rice terraces, other casual stuff.
Key Learning: this sign may not mean
they will cook your pet a tasty meal.
Rating: 15 - but the kids will want
to see it anyway. |
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cockfight gallery
Location:Manila,
Philippines
Contains: lots of pictures of brutal
cock-on-cock action.
Key Learning: as in cockfights so
in life: the biggest cock usually wins.
Rating: 18 - scenes of open rooster
surgery. Endless puerile puns on the word cock. |
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Marinduque
gallery
Location:Marinduque,
The Philippines
Contains: sex tourists from Austria,
urine from bats.
Key Learning: wear hats when viewing
bats.
Rating: 15 - While there are no sex
scenes with the sex tourist, he is rather odious. |
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Bicol
gallery
Location:the
Bicol Peninula, Luzon, The Philippines
Contains: bikini babes, saucy volcanoes,
bands, fish, Christ
Key Learning: beautiful mountains
and beautiful babes are just beautiful
Rating: S - Saucier than you'd expect. |
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Ajanta
- Ellora gallery
Location:Ajanta, Ellora, various other
nowhere places
Contains: cave action, homoerotic ads,
graven idols.
Key Learning : Caves aren't just for
the world's most wanted man.
Rating:
PG-13 - may upset sensitive 12 year olds. |
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Coorg
- Lonar Crater
Location:Yup, you guessed it.
Contains: moodily romantic and misty hills;
a big hole in the ground.
Key Learning : every kid should have his
own crater; Knock-out beer does what it says on the bottle.
Rating:
PG - 12. Meteorites are very violent, you know.
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bathing
gallery
Location:Rameswaram and Madhurai, India
Contains: temples, Gods, topless bathing,
and big nuts
Key Learning : in the right circumstances,
a wet T-shirt can be a religious experience.
Rating:
PG - surprisingly tame despite its saucy billing. |
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Kodaikanal
gallery
Location:Kodaikanal, India
Contains: cows, buffalo, drugs, other cool
stuff
Key Learning : bus travel and camping can
be stylish in the right circustances.
Rating:
15 - scenes from a rather literal re-interpretation of "The Silence
of the Lambs." |
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Tamil gallery
Location: Pondicherry, Chennai, Auroville
Contains: fully clothed bathing, elephants,
trucks.
Key Learning : if you really listen to your
mother, you will build a city of the future..
Rating:
PG - men in pants; some f*cking strong language. |
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spiderboy
gallery.
Location: Skuon, Phnom Pen, heart of darkness,
Cambodia
Contains: eight legged cuisine. bug munching.
tarantulas.
Key Learning : there's
more to web business than pissing away cash on a dot.com.
Rating:
15 - but in an acceptable Hallowe'en style. |
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Jesus
gallery
Location: Jesus, Paraguay, the UK, Italy,
Spain
Contains: hard-core Jesuit action; car theft.
Key Learning : Although
Jesus may not be in you, you can be in Jesus.
Rating:
15 - may offend Jesuits. |
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Buenos
Aires gallery
Location: where do you think?
Contains: bingo, bankers, more moustaches,
guns.
Key Learning : Being
a banker is no way to impress; Bingo is an international language.
Rating:
PG |
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Brazilian
gallery
Location: Iguazu Falls
Contains: lizard kings, plumpness, waterfalls,
birds, pink buses from Sweden.
Key Learning : 'Brazilian' can be used to
describe a citizen of Brazil or a delicate
feminine hair removal procedure.
Rating:
12 |
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Uruguay
gallery
Location: Uruguay (duh)
Contains: meat, obesity, moustache-related
nightlife.
Key Learning : 1. meat is a casual foodstuff,
but too much can result in plumpness. 2.burlesques that celebrate top
lip hair are to be applauded
Rating:
PG - 12 (fat people) |
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Aconcagua
gallery
Location: Argentina
Contains: extreme highness, mule gimpery,
mountain bigosity, model rocks
Key Learning: big mountains look very swish,
but only the uberkeen will stay the course.
Rating:
PG - 12 |
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penguin
gallery
Location: Patagonia (Argentinian side)
Contains: ultra-cuteness, fluffiness, cuddlesomness,
things that make you go ahhh
Key Learning: penguins are just about as
cute as (fish)pie.
Rating:
U - suitable for all |
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deep
south gallery
Location: Patagonia (Argentina and Chile)
Contains: friggin' loads of ice, rap, volcanoes,
wood, Mr T, horns, some rocks,more ice
Key Learning : sadly people in the deep south
of South America do not wear sheets and marry their sisters.
Rating:
15 (but educational) |
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great
head gallery
Location: Easter Island
Contains: some of the best head shots in the
world.
Key Learning: it's amazing what you can come
up with when you are 4000km from the nearest Playstation.
Rating: U - despite this gallery's pervert
- friendly title |
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altiplano
gallery II
Location: Bolivia
Contains: landscapes of preternatural weirdness
Key Learning : you don't have to take LSD
to see stuff that looks like it came out of a 70s sci-fi film.
Rating:
PG |
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altiplano
gallery I
Location: Bolivia
Contains:fun with miners, booze and dynamite,
coca abuse, phallic cacti
Key
Learning : strong liquor and high explosives are a hard - to
-beat combination.
Rating:
PG - 12 |
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penis
temple gallery
Location: Peru, Bolivia
Contains:big rock cocks, llama abortions,
more highness, Germanic mullets
Key
Learning : if you are going to worship anything, it may as well
be the male johnson.
Rating:
18 (e-rock-tica) |
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inca
gallery
Location: Peru
Contains:early swinging, lost cities, life
in jail.
Key
Learning : if you go to jail, you may well find yourself swinging
involuntarily.
Rating:
PG - 12 |
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glacier
gallery
Location: NZ, Australia
Contains:giant balls, volcano action, extreme
parrots
Key Learning :a man with a glacier at his
disposal will never be short of iced scotch.
Rating:
PG - 12 |
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big
jars gallery
Location: Laos, Vietnam
Contains:the biggest jars you will ever see,
mud bathing, guns, women smoking pipes!
Key Learning :1.big jars can make a fellah
very happy 2. women with pipes are both threatening andexciting.
Rating:
15 (adult themes) |
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penis
gourd gallery
Location: West Papua, Indonesia
Contains:pictures of men who go naked but
for a gourd on their johnsons; mummies.
Key
Learning : in most situations a well fitted gourd is as stylish
as Saville Row suit.
Rating:
18 (scrotal nudity) |
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extreme
cuisine gall..
Location: Sumatra, Sulawesi, Java, (Indonesia),
Malaysia
Contains:dog eating, bat eating, volcanoes,
sunsets
Key
Learning : only a real, proper foreigner would eat
a cute little puppy dog.
Rating:
18 (because it's tough explaining to a 7 year old who's about to go veggie
what the man is doing to the dog). |
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Indian
gallery
Locations: Rajastan, Darjeeling, Kerela,
Varanassi
Contains:scenes of high achievement at high
altitude.
Key
Learning: In India you are likely to discover
your inner self in both a spiritual and gastro-intestinal sense.
Rating:
PG - suitable for all, except the very delicate. |
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Nepali
gallery
Locations: the south Everest region, Nepal
Contains:scenes of high achievement at high
altitude.
Key
Learning: 1. Everest may be very big, but other
mountains are better looking. 2.drinking household solvents is a substitute
for religion.
Rating:
U - suitable for all. Unless they're stupid enough to drink furniture
polish. |
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original
gallery
Locations: Croatia, Lombok (Indo), Portugal,
Canaries, Tahoe, Hungary, UK
Contains:meat, partial nudity,
Key
Learning: male nudity is to be encouraged; Croatia
is stylish;the Panther spirit lives on into the new millennium.
Rating:
PG (very few sexual swearwords; the occasional adult theme) |
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